Sometimes I have a moment of clarity and I see why God has not answered our prayers for children.

I am screwed up.

One day a week my husband works late. One day out of seven I try to get dinner in the slow cooker before I leave in the morning so he doesn’t have to cook when he gets home. And I screwed it up. Half of our weekly grocery budget sat on the counter, slower cooker unplugged, for seven hours. Brilliant.

I know the point here is to journal about one positive experience every day, but only in the world of positive psychology does something good actually happen every day.

In the real world, some days are about obligations and fake smiles and pointless small talk and meaningless work and failure and fatigue and disappointment. That was today. Today was the day beyond the reach of positive psychology. Today just sucks.

Orientation at the new job today. One shift (3rd shift) every other weekend isn’t much, but every little bit helps!

Looking forward to new opportunities, and hopefully some greater financial security. :)

One co-worker casually asked if I was still in high school. A customer guessed I was 16. Still got it.

I got to see my dad today.

And I paused before I typed that because I’m not sure if it’s entirely “good.”

But it was the highlight of my day. So yes.

I saw my dad in a dark blue uniform on the other side of a piece of bullet-proof glass. I talked to him through a grate that hardly transmitted sound, in a small cement room.

It’s only been two and a half weeks. And it’s almost over. But I miss him. And I was so glad for those 30 minutes.

I’m still a little worried about my parents’ relationship. I’m still a little anxious, but the point is to focus on the good.

I got to see my dad today.

And I’m learning to trust God in new ways.

Our fourth, annual Stations of the Cross art exhibit was tonight.

I was worried. I was behind schedule.

It was awesome.

Worship was awesome. It was so awesome I think I started to look silly. That’s awesome worship.

We had a great turn-out. The dancers did great. The film is amazing. Worship was fantastic.

Good Friday blows me away.

Today went by in such a blur I’m not really sure what good thing there was to remind myself of.

I love my husband. How about that?

I had a job interview today, and he doesn’t like it and he doesn’t want me to take it and we disagreed via texting for a while.

But an hour later, he just missed me. He wasn’t mad. I love him.

Other than that, the late-night frozen pizza that is thawing in the oven is about to be the highlight of my day.

Husband and pizza. Yup.

It was actually warm enough - almost - for Husband and I to walk up the street for dinner tonight.

We planned to meet friends, and make new ones, at the Mexican place we always drive by and talk about trying out one of these days.

Our new friends are youth pastors from California, who are planning to bring a group of their students out this summer to do some service work. Really great couple. We talked about food and teenagers and regional accents and trees for hours.

Noeleen’s such a sport when we pick on her about her accent … to the point of laugh-crying.

I walked into Toys ‘R Us this morning to get lollipops for our leadership team meeting tomorrow, to help remind them of the lollipop leadership TED talk they’re going to see … and had a lollipop moment of my own.

“Good morning!” said the greeter, because that’s her job. I smiled and echoed her sentiment, turning my face toward her without actually looking at her, as I’d probably done thousands of times because I’m self-important and cold.

“You don’t remember me, do you?”

I stopped, and turned to actually look at her.

No. I did not.

She looked vaguely familiar, and, because she’s kinder and humbler than myself, quickly identified the mutual friend through whom we apparently met, so I could adequately feign a memory.

We exchanged pleasantries. She asked about church. I asked where she was at now. She told me about the church she finally found to call home, and how happy she is.

And then she started to tell me about how the conversation that she had with my husband and I changed her life and revived her faith, and how she didn’t know where she’d be without Timothy, etc.

I, genuinely this time, deferred praise and expressed enthusiasm, paid for six lollipops, and left, chuckling at the irony.

Hours later I mentioned it to Timothy, who remembered as much about the life-changing conversation as I did.

And God gets all the glory.

Three things I’m grateful for today:
1 - Pie
2 - Our student worship team
3 - ProPresenter

I like Fridays because they’re student ministry days. They’re the culmination of my week in a lot of ways. I’ve worked every Friday night for the last 5 or 6 years, and I love it.

I am also mandated to take a break and exit the building on Friday afternoons, because I WILL over-work myself.

I walked up to the Greek family restaurant across the parking lot, promptly at 3 PM, for decaf coffee and pie. Went totally crazy and had blueberry instead of cherry. I’m a rebel. What can I say?

And I sat in my booth and started Bonhoeffer on my Kindle, because I decided that even though I very much dislike leaving a book unfinished, I had done nothing to deserve having to read the last half of a book on Calvinist election that wasn’t supposed to be about predestination, etc., at all.

Especially with Bonhoeffer waiting in the library.

After a bi-polar lunch shift at the cafe, and a piano lesson with an ADHD nine-year-old, and a weird Starbucks meeting, I came home with the sunset.

I sat in the car I hate for an extra minute and listened to the chorus one more time.

“He brought me to the wilderness so I would learn to sing …”

Hauling a laptop over one shoulder, I rolled out into the crisp, spring-evening air. The neighborhood was quiet. The thump of each boot on the black topped-driveway echoed for miles. The gate shrieked open. My keys clamored like church bells in the door.

As I shut out all my noise and my disruption and my chaos and my busyness, the fragrance of beef stroganoff overwhelmed me. Some days I wife like a boss.

Love this TED Talk.

3 things I’m grateful for today:
- A husband who cooks
- A pastor I can trust and respect
- My brown shoes